there are times in life when you realize in a few seconds what you’ve been struggling to understand for months, maybe even years!

tonight I finally realized that there are another 2 categories of people which i never thought about before, the ones who have their own world and don’t see or want to see anywhere beyond it and the ones that don’t have it and just try to take everything in.

i’m on the second group and i can tell you now the first ones are, probably, much happier! it’s like my best friend once told me ‘there are people who think for themselves and those who are just happy to follow the crowd, unfortunately we are both on the first group’!

and we are!

people who have their own world are set on their own ways, they know what they want because they never question it, they never doubt who they are because who they are is what they were meant to be and to believe in… people who look around and see different worlds just take in, they can be anywhere with almost everyone, but they are never taken in, they are never really understood, and because they constantly change with the world that surrounds them, I suppose they don’t really know what they want besides that they want to know and respect everything!

it’s a constant quest for knowledge and understanding! but when does it stop?

do people like us, the foolish, ever get an answer? do we ever stop wanting to know more and eventually resign to what we got to know and finally settle for what we want?

i keep on being told that i have been very brave and i really appreciate it! but i wasn’t… for me the difficulty was never about diving into the unknown but always to just settle down for what is there, what is simple and reachable.

so… maybe in the end i have been quite selfish in a way, i always knew what i could or could not deal with, i’ve always known that my practicality would never let me down, what i didn’t know was that you can’t try to get a person with their own world to understand someone who really doesn’t have one. it’s so simple, you can be asked to understand someone’s world and to even go into their world but how can you expect them to do the same? there is no world to understand, there is no  place to touch or to experience when you are everywhere, when you are in favor of everyone and no one in particular, when you can see good and bad and explain it in your own head…

people like me will never be truly happy, we are always looking for something more, our capacity to accept and put ourselves in someone else’s shoes is so incomprehensible that in the end we always find an explanation for everyone’s attitudes besides our own… in the very end we loose because we always understand, we don’t rest until we understand but we never get to be understood!

Patrícia Durão